Noah Knows Best….


*As in all my posts, I sometimes do not abide by the usual grammatical rules. Noah Webster and I each come from Connecticut. However, he’s his axioms and I’ve mine. He hails from Hartford, I, from New Haven, the coast versus the midlands. I tend to want to write, tour, minus the traffic signage, it spoils the ride. While traversing the countryside, why would one want speed bumps, prepositions for instance, to spoil that adventure? It should be fluid, no need for the tap to cough.

Now, along that line, truly, truth trumps fiction. I recently was at a fine fast food establishment. I don’t go deep in these places as they will likewise plummet me as well. As I recall, someone with red ponytails assisted me with my fiberliscious order. No, actually, her stand-in was there-there had been a freckle count recall. Anyway, a harried man told me that they were well understaffed-I felt for his and the “crew’s” challenge. A line of vehicles besides had encircled the establishment demanding ready sustenance. After I quickly considered the innocuous offer, and, agreed to allow them to barter my first name in lieu for the fare just feet away, this occurred. An elderly man initiated grammatical interjection; a syntactical rescue. He said he was a “Retired English Teacher” and then proceeded to correct the man stationed at the cash register already taking withering famished fire. Now I had done the right and proper thing. I obediently slinked back, while humbly and quietly poised to apounce (*nw) once the pronunciation of the first letters of my given name began to emerge. All this in order to hostage the paper bag paradise-In the Urban Serengeti. What was not mentioned, but I do so freely here, is what I innocently did at the same monikered establishment just miles and minutes down the road earlier. After the “D” began to get voiced and float over the counter, I thrust forth. However, an “O” followed it, not my “A”. I embarrassingly both delivered Donovan’s order, and, tipped to him mine as well-a great violation of FFE, Fast Food Etiquette! Well, back to this out-of-work grammarian, his work was not finished. *Never play with a man’s stomach, never poke the tiger. Stomachs do growl for a reason. He and the public survived his first red pencil mark. However, in my throes of joy while indeed matching not only my name, but both receipts, the following also transpired.

He meant well and was positioned behind the next person in line. However, in his well-intentioned hovering he violated key protocol. He delayed the man’s order. Yes, he further now corrected him by stating he should not have said “can I?”, but, “may I?”. And, he further expounded as to the logic of the form of address. Grammar is not always the answer. What he didn’t realize is that the customer, in his glucose reduced euphoria was actually speaking, pleading to the grill, not the girl. He needed to know immediately if the appliance itself could push it out. One speaks to permissibility and the other to possibility. And, besides, how often in an eating establishment, indoors, does one witness the very menu being prepared-no real need for the middleman, just a shout. At that moment I had a trepidation that this was how the bread riots in history had begun-all at the drop of a crust.

                *So, also recently, I had the good fortune of withdrawing some meager funds, telling them to return home, Dad missed them.  However, I was told that 20 % could not hit those bedrooms again, they had to stay with their rich uncle back east. So, grateful as I was to re-secure those monies, I told the kind person assisting me that I would love to do a survey. However, I told her that what was formerly a 5-Star Rating has now likewise been diminished by that 20 percent effect to 4. I told her it necessitated my DeMacArthuring her. Of course, I was kidding, I would keep her circular constellation intact and would not lessen her nova at all. However, this tip for services pales in comparison to when that goateed uncle is cautioned to keep it out of the circle as it spins by the host…

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