Judge Chronos:  Mr. Leftus, you are accused of producing fraudulent calendars. But, in reality, much more dire than that. Your company, the “Skip Forward Calendar Company” actually moved each 1st day of each month forward a day, thereby, essentially eliminating it. How do you plead?

Mr. Leftus:  Were it actually yesterday, I would plead innocent Your Honor.

Judge Chronos:  Sir, I do not believe you understand the absurd consequence of your crime. You destroyed countless schedules of individuals, professionals, doctors, lawyers, and judges such as me, weather forecasters and all others in every occupation. You even affected such life events such as birth, wedding and death announcements to name just a few.

Mr. Leftus:  My Honor, what about time lapse photography?

Judge Chronos:  You’ll answer that query with your before and after mug shots. Now, it is one thing to “adjust” time keeping, setting a watch 5 minutes ahead, but, you have “changed” it, such as is noted in the Book of Daniel. This may be the gravest crime ever perpetrated upon mankind. It is a linear equivalent of a pyramid scheme. And, like Elizabeth Taylor’s eyes, time is inviolate, sacrosanct. I thereby sentence you to a prison term of each day “missed” for a year, that is, 12, times the number of calendars issued-1,000. This would equate to a punishment of some 40 years. But don’t worry, in the words of Caesar, tempus fugit, time flies.

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